The Say Something Project

Idiot <3

I wish I told you how much slowing down with you helped me slow down in my own life and learn to live in the moment..

I know we’re not in a good place right now, I always did my best to support you and be there for you and I know you’re hurting since we lost mom last year, but I swear I tried every possible way to get to you, I told you so many times how you made me feel with your threatenings, your emotional blackmail and abuse, I did my best to understand you but I just couldn’t take it anymore, I wish you could understand how sad all of this makes me feel too. I love you but I can’t let you destroy our lives again, I need to protect our baby girl and no matter how many times I tried you would never do what it takes to protect your family, there’s no way I could make you understand how much your toxic relationship hurt us and endanger us too. I love you and I’ve tried to forgive you for all the pain and hurt, but right now I need you to understand that we all need to heal and we just can’t do that so close to each other, maybe one day you’ll change for real but up until now all your promises have been empty and broken too many times, I just can’t deal with any more heartbreak and disappointment. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, I swear I tried my best, I miss you terribly every second of every day. Some days I just want to give up, the only thing that keeps going is my beloved baby girl and the hope that we’ll meet again someday, until then I’ll try my best to honour your memory. I love you with all my heart.

You are far, far tougher than you know. Your homelife is not normal or even special. It is abominable. The things that happened to you really were “that bad.” If I could get you to seek help sooner than later, I would. You deserve healing.

I promise, God is sending the right person into your life. He will love you the way you deserve. And you will have a full, beautiful life together with all the things you want the most.

Also–the person who did all that damage? It’s not just you. He really is a terrible human being, regardless of what your mother is telling you right now. In the end, he will die slowly and alone and no one will miss him, not even his children. Especially not his children. He is truly reaping what he sowed.

Ever since Austin went into the military, it feels like he’s been treated better by you and love more by you than I have. It makes me feel like I’m just a spare child, and it makes me feel less loved. It breaks my heart and makes me feel unseen and unheard. I’m still a really good person, with a really good heart. I may not be as smart as him, and maybe I didn’t serve my country, but I care about people and I’m passionate about helping others. I’m just as valuable as a person as my brother is.